Take A Photograph, It'll Be The Last.

Do you ever get the feeling that your friends hate you?

i get it far too often. the ONE and only person who I know 100% will always be there for me is Nicole Lynn Cannan. There are a few others right now who I know still care about me. But I've always been this way. I just constantly think people are sick of me because I'm annoying or have done something wrong. Eh, I'm convinced it has something to do with my childhood. I'm a fan of Maslow's theory. I've always had social problems, hard core. When I went to my psychiatrist a while ago, he basically told me that I would have relationship [general] problems my whole life. How fortunate! I've had this issue for as long as I can remember. I was quite the annoying child, and basically even in early grade school, i was ostracized. I was always the odd one out. The third wheel. I'm always paranoid that people are mad at me or annoyed by me because I did something wrong. Just when I start to feel comfortable with people, this happens, which worsens my situation. I'm just a little sick of sitting alone at lunch I guess.

Hmm, I feel like writing but I don't have anything to write about. I mean I'm sure I have a lot, but It's all kind of belated and out-dated, which makes my memory foggy. Oh yeah, retreat.

So since freshman year I was dreading retreat. I mean I was okay with it this year, just a little annoyed that it's this Jesus camp type thing. To my suprise though, it really wasn't so bad. I'm going to go next year. We played games, the staff was nice. We had to climb the wall...oh gosh. I hate being picked up. I feel SO fat when it happens. Kary went first, then Jason shouted "Strzezewski!" and I got pushed up to the front. We had small groups. Mine had Roxanne, Nico, Joe, Gloria, Matt M, Erin, and Tommy. It wasn't so bad. The services and such were annoying but whatever. Eddy wrote me a retreat letter...it made me cry hard core. Oh, the food was amazing. They had vegan burgers, ground beef, chicken patties, and breakfast sausage for me. It was fuckin' sweet, haha. All in all, it wasn't bad.

Fin!