Love To Hate, Hate To Me.

It comes to an end. Forever. My one shot at true happiness just doesn't care about me. I swear I have the worst, if any, luck. I'm so used to getting hurt that i didn't even cry this time. Right now, I put sealed my heart off from everyone forever. I don't need this. I only need me. Although I would rather be dead than living like this. I hate dwelling on the pain.

If you love me, kill me.

You Can Only Move As Fast As Who's In Front Of You.

Once I get past the sick feeling, I don't need food. I don't fucking diserve it. I'm a piece of shit who stands here, accepting this abuse. Ignorant bliss. When it's good, it's amazing. And when it's bad, I want to kill myself. I want to punish myself. I promised I wouldn't cut myself. And I'm going to stick to that. But there's no rule against starving myself.

Fuck you, world.
Fuck you, ignorance.
Fuck you, tolerance.
Fuck you, abuse.
Fuck you, punishments.
Fuck you, world.
Fuck you, life.

I've Said This Before, No Matter How Hard I Try.

I don't understand. I'm prettier than she is. I'm more patient, more selfless, more understanding and empathetic than she is. Yet, he still wants her so badly. I don't know why he keeps asking me out. Because it always ends in heartache. He doesn't get it. I know that he'll always have room for her, his first real love. He should give someone else a try. He's never going to know if he keeps dwelling on her. And he thinks a months time will prove things. But, there's no point in talking sense into him. Because I can't change his mind. I try to hard to make him love me. And want to be with me for a long time. I wish it didn't have to be like this.

I just want to love, and be loved.
WithOUT the looming "in one month" theory.

Oh, The Webs We Weave.

Is it normal for your boyfriend to be contsantly haning out with his ex of 1.5 years, while she openly tells him how much she loves him, and he feels the same for her, and, on top of that, she doesn't even know he has a girlfriend.

Is that normal?
Oh, hypothetical questions.
you make my life easy.

She Goes Straight For The Deep End.

So...

My constant nausea and headaches could be one of two things.
I'm on a high dosage of lamictal, and those could be side effects.
The other thing is self-evident.

I'm so afraid right now.

If Only You Were Lonely.

"if anything your going to have to break up with mebecause i love you to much to break your heartand i dont intend on losing you anythime sooni might talk like that because im an idiot.and aout colleen you can feel as ad as you want for herbut shes out of my heart and your the only one in there.there is no but to that. i wouldnt have anyone else. just you. your the only person i want and will want for the next coule of years. i hope i dont sound creepy by saying that. and im notwriting a novel i just type really slow. im sorryfor my slow typing."

if only it was true.
but it was a lie.
and it hurts.

he wants her.
he always has.
always will.
he ""loves me,
but he's "in love" with her.

it didn't occur to me until now.

Finger On The Trigger.

I have finally realized what I need in my life right now. It hasn't occured to me until now, really. I need stability. I'm hopelessly in love. The worst part is that he won't get over his past love. He dated her for 1.5years. and they broke up a year ago. She has a recent boyfriend. And now, suddenly, he brings up how he realized he still "likes" her. And then I asked about what would happend if she were single. He said he'd probably go for her. So he's a liar. I hate it when he tells me that he loves me more than anything. Because, he obviously doesn't. He tells me that I mean more to him that she does. I hate this. It tortures me. No one can understand this. The feelings I keep in, they come out on nights like these. I sob and sob, because I'm being tormented. And I HATE THIS. When will it end?

Be Strong, Believe.

I'm broken.
















Please, fix me.