I feel alone and tired.

This is my hell. This is my personal penitentiary. I look around but I just don't see anything. Nothing feels as it used to. Nothing is as it use to be. Half of me wants to just freeze time and melt away, and the other half wants to skip through years, to a happier time. Provided happy times come. I am not happy. I am still fooling myself and the world around me, and I must say, I'm doing a damn good job. I'm back to putting on my "mask," and getting caught up in my own intricately woken lies. I still have such a lonely feeling, and such a longing for something. I need someone to fill the ever growing gap inside me. I can feel my hollowness.. and it is not pleasant. Like right now, everyone is with their families: having fun, making memories. I, however, am sitting in my room alone just shivering and feeling a strong mixture of negative emotions. I hate the holidays, I see nothing good in them.

If i depression was a disease one could die from, I would have been long gone. Though in my eyes, I'm already dead.