I Am Whatever You Say I Am.

So, it kind of seems like things are coming together, maybe not so quickly, but bit by bit. I still have lots of things to complain about, but still I've felt more mellow more often. Although, I've developed some sever uncontrollable anger issues.
Today I went to Jewel at around two for orientation. There were two others there. One was a tall, and kind of large guy named Bruno. He was at the service desk when I arrived, asking where he should go. So, we walked up together. He's a nice guy, and real friendly. The other guy was tall, slim, and good looking. He had some attractive piercings, and a distinct attitude. Ironically, I found him attractive, and his name is Tim Martinez. A blend of the only two guy's I've loved. But moving on, after the long, tedious, and boring hours spent there, it was decided that we were all to come back tomorrow morning for training with a lady named Patty.
So, here's where a bogus part comes in. Collette didn't give us uniforms, because they're getting "new ones on September 1st, and they're going to be maroon." So, I had to go out today and buy two blue collered shirts to wear to work for the next few weeks. Secondly, I had to go out and buy fucking shoes. I have so many shoes. The Jewel uptown doesn't care if their employee's wear chucks or anything. On the other hand, my Jewel was scrict about the "no canvas shoes" policy. So I felt horrible by the time i got home, because my grandma and I are poor enough as it is. Whatever, at least I get paid for being there today.

On a lighter note, I've been wrong. I'm not wrong often, to be honest. This time, however, I was so relieved. Tim started talking to me, and apologized for being so busy lately. Although it felt comforting hearing him tell me he loves me, it isn't the same anymore. My medication hasn't seemed to be doing anything for me. But, lately, I've been able to do this new thing with my mind. I don't dwell on things. I may be miserable for a few days. But, usually, by the week after the bad occurance, I have literally re-programmed my brain to accept the situation. That's why when Eddy told me he still loved me, I couldn't feel the same way I used to. I know I have feelings for him, to an extent. I mean, I get jealous of who he's dating. But it just isn't the same feeling. I don't know if that's good or bad, but I think in the long run, it will help me.
I try to think "hey, he has Colleen, and I have Tim." But, then I slowly remember that he lives in Elk Grove. Distance is a horrible thing, and I still haven't met him. So, I don't know what to think here. I guess for now I'll choose not to care a whole lot. I don't need anyone, I suppose.