I remember "stay.." I remember "please don't ever leave."

I just need to know that I am loved. People... they use me; they get bored with me; they leave me; they make promises, and make me feel as though they care.. and then, they are gone. I mean, come on.. it hurts when a man makes no effort to stay in touch or even contact his daughter, a child he himself created. If he can't love his own child, who else can? People have been taken away from me my whole life. People have just turned away from me. Whenever I get close to someone, they use me for what they want, then ignore me. It's happened far too often. And it hurts. I feel like an object, bluntly. And my "friends," they get bored with me. They find better people, better things to do.. and they just quit talking to me. It's like they kick me to the curb.

I find myself asking "why? why me?" again, a lot lately. I'm not exactly sure who I am talking to. If there is a God though, I just want an answer. I mean, c'mon. Some people my age have never experienced death. I've lost, due to death or just ignorance, at least eight people in my seventeen years of living. I don't like the word "molest," so I'll just say, c'mon again, take away my family, the overwhelm, frighten, and confuse me by being violated by someone I trust? Place me with a drunk, drug addicted, abusive, ignorant father? Place me in contact with people who, once again, abuse me mentally and phsically? 

If one were to enter my mind, review my memories; replay my fears; live with my pain, frustration, and confusion; I know they would break down. I have my secrets. I have reasons to hate myself. I have reasons to not trust the world. People have it worse, yes. I have a roof over my head, food to eat, a good education, etc. I have freedoms. I'm just so tired of this mental fucking agony. Yeah, this is a post about me bitching. So the fuck what. My blog.

I just need to know that someone, anyone, loves me.