I've Been Waiting, Everything Is Taking Way Too Long.. I've Gone About This All Wrong...

While walking today, I realized. I am not a happy person. I mean, it's like I knew that but it didn't really hit me until now. I'm a bit sick of it. Being sad all the time? Feeling alone and empty, like you have no one to turn to? Feeling unloved, uncared for, unwanted, rejected, hated?Not having people to turn to when you need them most?

All I need is someone here for me. My friends, it seems, have turned on me; turned away from me. I've been told, though, that this feeling of hated by my friends towards me is actually the result of my self hatred being reflected off them back towards me; basically, since I hate myself, I see others as hating me just as much.

I don't know.. I just want to feel pure joy again; I have forgotten what it's like.
And it hurts.