So Fuckin' Blow Those Words Out The Back Of Your Head.

I don't think whether all of this is making me colder or defeating me slowly. I've been slowly falling apart, in a way, and i'm near defeated. You know, if I ever have feelings for someone, they manage to tell me things. They manage to make me feel special. They make me feel hopeful. They make me feel in general.. And then, it all comes back like a smack to the face. I mean like, WOW. I can't believe a word anyone tells me anymore. The word "love" at this point is meaningless. I'll accept it as a compliment, but not as sincerity, no, never again. I just want SOMEONE. I thought I found someone.. He was good. He was smart. He related to me. He held me tightly. He would call just to say goodnight. And then, he just kind of stopped. Then ignorantly tells me that he's found the best girlfriend who he's been looking for his whole life. I repeat: a smak to the face. How can one be so bluntly cold? Love? No. Everything lately is messing up. I don't know what I'm going to do next year. There is so much on my shoulders right now. I'm ruining my last year with the person who has made the most impact on me in my life. The person who has been there for me. The one who introduced "love" to me. That has changed, though. You don't abuse someone you love. But again, because I truley care about my other half, I will accept it as a compliment. He'll be gone next year. I'll be alone. I don't want to think about this anymore. I have cried too many times in one week.

Hand me the gun. Serve me the bullets on a silver plate.

Stick a fork in me; I'm done.