Let's Stand Like Real Men, For Once In Our Lives.

May 5th.

It was a hectic day. The night before, I couldn't sleep at all. I think i got about two hours, total. I woke up, constantly. But, oh well. The first two classes of the day, i was miserable. I felt sick to my stomach. Then for a few periods, I felt a little better. But by homeroom, someone just made me snap again. I was in tears by seventh period, and by the end of the day I was gone. In the evening, I went to a park to resolve some things with steve. I understand how he feels now, to an extent. but I wish he could understand me a little better. Some of the things that he tells me though, make me think.. more than I need to. "Do you like the abuse?" that just made me feel so happy.. I guess, I tend to be blinded by things.

May 6th.

When I woke up, I was in a good mood. And I thought today was going to be nice; I was wrong. During mass in the morning, I started to have an anxiety attack. I don't know what brings them on.. I never used to get them. I think it's withdrawl symptoms, possibly. Well, after that I've been feeling dizzy. I ended up leaving school toward the end up 3rd period, because my head was pounding, and I just couldn't think straight. All I needed was to be at home, and relax. So, now, I'm just sitting here, contimplating on random matters & recent events.

This month, I think, is going to go by fast. But other aspects bother me. I'm going to be single for far too long, which bothers me. But, I'll get over it. School ends the 23rd, and finals are te 26th-28th. The day I get out of school, I'm going to Wisconsin with Jillian, her family, and Emily. They have a cabin up there, and we're staying for the weekend. It should be nice.. I need to buy a swimsuit though. God I can't remember that last time I went out in public with a swimsuit on. But, they're my friends.. so I'll live.

-eanne